Chopper Chicks In Zombie Town
Year: 1989
Rated: R
Runtime: 90 minutes
Nudity: No, and I'm glad there was none, these girls were gross
Gore: With a title like "..Zombie Town" you would think so, think so

If you've read any of my reviews before, you'll notice that I mostly start out with the plot of the film. But I find myself having a problem doing it this time. Why? Well, because basically the story goes as follows: A group of female motorcyclist's, otherwise known as The Cycle Sluts (I could fucking guarantee that the original name of the movie was Cycle Sluts In Zombie Town but they had to change it because it was to "explicit", I fucking guarantee it), travel from town to town, spray painting original stuff like Cycle Sluts, and, We're Cycle Sluts on town buildings, as well as having promiscuous sex with all the young men of the towns. God have mercy on the souls of those courageous men. Having sex with these nasty ass pieces of shit so sane men like you and I don't have to touch that shit with a ten foot pole standing five feet away. Err, nevermind that.

Now, this is where the real story kicks in. Brace yourself! The Cycle Sluts arrive at one town, and a mortician there is performing experiments on dead bodies. The dead turn to zombies and they break free from the mine where they were hidden away and walk around town. It's Chopper Chicks to the rescue! And rescue they do, by beheading all of the zombies one-by-one with fucking baseball bats. Normally this would be good, but not when there's not a single drop of blood! It was horrible.

Thoughts of my parents making me watch Jesus Christ Superstar quickly passed through my head as the end credits rolled. Shivers were spent down my spine. Thinking that I had just spent the past 90 minutes of my life, watching this piece of shit! Even worse, the fact that I spent 50 cents to rent the fucking movie! What a waste of money, I could have bought a WhatchaMaCallIt chocolate candy bar with that damn money and fingered my girlfriend with it. Hell, I would have fingered my brother with the damn candy bar, you wouldn't be able to tell it was shit on that candy bar and not chocolate. God, make the bad memories go away! See something else if this movie ever beckons you.

Since this movie received the Shit Rating, you must do as I say and go hide this movie behind Romeo Must Die, I hope no one's stupid enough to look behind that.

Back to Reviews